WWE Elimination Chamber results and commentary from Danny Damage!
Previously On…
We’re on the Rocky road to WrestleMania and Roman Reigns is still no closer to getting that giant Hollywood deal that everyone backstage has been hoping for. To be fair, I think most WWE fans would approve of Roman going away (without the main belt) for a while. It’s safe to say they’d had their fill of this incarnation of Reigns after seeing his painfully slow, drawn-out, ref-bumping, Bloodline-interfering match formula for the third or fourth time.
Don’t misunderstand, the ego of Dwayne Johnson was supposed to be getting a major rub leading up to the Showcase of the Immortals, but there’s an obvious circle of back-scratching going on and what the paying customers wrestling fans want has historically been the least of WWE’s concerns.
I corrected myself there as ten sponsors per live show and the vultures of television are considered paying customers to WWE; again, with those who want to watch some wrestling usually being left out in the cold. #EatShitAndLearnToLoveTheTaste!
Part of me is still unconvinced that WWE would have listened to the fans if they weren’t desperate for any conversation able to take attention away from Vince McMahon being caught with his pants down.
WWE Elimination Chamber Results (2024)
What’s that I hear? My American friends complaining about watching wrestling at daft o’clock in the morning? Oh dear, it’s not the end of the world. Let me know when you’ve had a consistent 30+ years of it.
The Kickoff Show featured the hometown hero Indi Hartwell and Candice LeRae against Asuka and Kairi Sane for the Women’s Tag Titles. The crowd were loud for Hartwell and it was a nice moment for the young lass…until she got the hot tag. I’ll just say this: at least she’s young and there’s still time to work on the believability of her offence. Having no actual weight behind your moves and strikes is one thing – Alexa Bliss weighs less than her ring attire and she can uncork a fierce big right hand – but Hartwell’s punches and kicks look like she’s lazily failing to swat a fly. Sort it out, please.
Lastly, I’m confident the show would have been fine without the injured Seth Rollin lacing up his. However, the absence of CM Punk might still be a little sore to some. Let’s see how we get on.
Women’s Elimination Chamber
Winner: Becky Lynch
Another steak-based starter before the much-anticipated steak dinner main course, lessening the taste and impact of the latter. WWE keeps doing it in the name of equity and so-called fairness, so I’m going to keep laughing at it in the name of condescension, pandering and blatant tribute acts.
For those of you who wonder what you’d do without this match in your life, you’re probably already subscribed to Liv “Torture Porn” Morgan’s Only-Simps pages and could achieve everything you need to over there. If you’re not here for wrestling, please don’t stop everyone else enjoying wrestling.
Anyway, Becky won the match after completing/spoiling the checklist of spots we’re likely to see later in the main event. Tiffany Stratton had an impressive first showing in front of such a large crowd, Morgan was booed heavily when she eliminated her.
The Judgment Day vs. Pete Dunne & Tyler Bate (Tag Team Title)
Winners: Finn Balor & Damien Priest (pinfall)
Sami Zayn and Kevin Owen’s journey to take the tag belts from the Usos and weaken Roman Reign’s line of defence was a months-long story that people were behind until it went nowhere and Reigns beat Cody Rhodes anyway. Sticking the belts on the Judgment Day didn’t deliver the desired result for the belts or Priest/Balor and, in hindsight, it all seems a bit pointless now.
With that said, these lads put on an entertaining match, before it outstayed its welcome towards the end. Dominic Mysterio’s heat is insane. He wore a Rhea Ripley shirt on his torso and around his waist as a double shield between him and the crowd, but it wasn’t very effective.
Priest reversed something the New Catch Republic tried to hit him with from the top rope just after Balor got a blind tag and won the match with a Coup de Grâce.
Grayson Waller Effect with Cody Rhodes & Seth Rollins
Winner: Any of us?
Austin Theory brought out Australia’s own Grayson Waller with friendly smiles all around before it all became clear to me; Waller was the host of “Sing-along with the Australian Audience” as he introduced Seth Rollins for five minutes of “whooaaaah-ohhhh-ohhh” and another five with Cody Rhodes’ music.
As soon as the guests sat down, Grayson Waller tried to start being a heel by acknowledging Roman Reigns, but there was a 50/50 split between fingers in the air and boos.
Long story short, Rollins put himself and all the competitors in the men’s elimination chamber match over and then Cody challenged the Rock to a one-on-one match. Austin Theory puffed his chest out and started running through the Rock’s catchphrases before Seth and Cody whooped his arse and laughed their way back up the ramp.
Men’s Elimination Chamber
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Interestingly, LA Knight started off the match and got a lot of the crowd’s love out of their system early on. He was in there with Drew McIntyre, who would make references to (injuring) CM Punk as often as possible.
The skirmish started kicking off once Paul, the final entrant, joined the fray. He and Kevin Owens battled for a while until Bobby Lashley put them both through the “bullet-proof” pod walls. Lashley focused on Randy Orton in the ring but was Claymore’d and pinned by Drew.
As the chamber opened to send Lashley for an early shower, AJ Styles rushed in and ambushed LA Knight. Drew then covered LA to a chorus of boos from the fans.
Owens attempted to beat up everyone but ate an RKO for his efforts. Logan revealed he had some brass knuckles in his tights, which he could have used two of from the start, but Orton ended him with an RKO before making use of them.
Randy and Drew went back and forth, but just as Orton looked to have the match in the bag, Logan Paul reappeared and KO’d Orton with his loaded right hand.
As well as setting up Drew McIntyre vs. Seth Rollins, the fallout from this match looks like we’re also getting LA Knight vs. AJ Styles and Randy Orton vs. Logan Paul at WrestleMania 40 too.
Rhea Ripley vs. Nia Jax (Women’s World Title)
Winner: Rhea Ripley (pinfall)
The early tests of strength between the two looked like Rhea trying to wrestle her garish new couch up a flight of stairs. Ripley slipped and ended up underneath the sofa for most of the contest and had to fight against the rarely bigger opponent.
Jax wore Rhea down by putting her through the announce table and squashing her with a Banzai Drop, but Ripley kept kicking out at two.
Eventually, Nia went to the top once too often and she was super-plexed down to the mat. A kick to the head and a Riptide later and Rhea retained her belt in front of her family and countryfolk.
Nia Jax gets a lot of grief from people because of her size, her (lack of) natural talent and the fact that she’s a plus-size diversity AND nepotism hire all rolled up into one. I’m sure she’s a lovely lass once the cameras are off and she’s just being herself, but too much water has passed under the bridge.
The cousin who got her the gig being back on the scene, and on the board of directors, won’t do her any favours; that is if she is trying to change people’s minds about her. Jax has the physique, or at least the size difference, to give Ripley a challenging hill to climb, but not the talent to justify a match of that length…or in the main event slot, if I’m being completely honest.
And Another Thing…
The on-the-nose plug for Black History Month™ merchandise during Bobby Lashley’s introduction, ouch. He’s an incredible talent who hasn’t been used to his potential for a long time now, fix that, don’t feed us hollow predatory philanthropy…
…while using Lashley’s involvement and defeat in the match solely as a means to open the chamber’s door and bring AJ Styles in to destroy LA Knight. Fuck your fake charity bollocks, WWE. Sadly, this just makes people question your other “generous” ventures.
The state of shameless adverts wasn’t as rough as they are on the big four shows, but they’re close. The first appearance of the Slim Jim-themed countdown clock being SLAP-BANG in the middle of the screen was a bit too much. Remember, less is more. One of the bottom corners, which is the usual format, would have gone down a little easier.
Just like the sponsored counter at the Royal Rumble had one of the digits represented by the featured product, every “1” on the display was replaced with a Slim Jim. Additionally, to make the most of this hijacking of our attention, the timer started at 15 seconds, instead of the typical 10.
I fear that by the time WrestleMania comes around, the structure will mirror that of the TV shows. As in, no momentum gets built because the story is paused every 5-10 minutes to whore someone else’s shit for 3-5 minutes.
– OLDER PPV RESULTS –
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