#RumbleForAll

Women, women, women.  Everyone knows a woman or two in their life; even the most awkward/reclusive member of the wrestling fan-base has engaged with one at some time, either at a family gathering, in a shop while purchasing something or even just following one from afar over the Internet.

Either way, it’s fair to say we’re starting to notice more and more of these intriguing creatures in the real world.  A species that manage to NOT jump at every opportunity at a pissing contest and even contribute something DIFFERENT to many situations, debates and cultures…much to the horror of many little boys around the world.

We’re at a time in our history where women are a very vocal part of our culture and rightly so.  We men appear to praise and respect the opposite sex more today than we did yesterday, but are we really going about this in the right way?… Or are we still keeping the women a few paces behind us on purpose?

With everyone and their dog having a story to tell and an equality cause to support, it’s hard to gauge what’s genuine and what’s not in our fast-paced, short-attention-spanned, digital world.

As I’m not wanting to confuse/scare too many people by straying too far from matters I’m familiar/associated with, I’m going to have a go at discussing equality AND pro-wrestling.

 

#PuttingItBluntly

Daddy’s Disingenuous Diva.

Now I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me, I’m all in favour of the lasses having their own Royal Rumble match that isn’t just a rehash of their mock attempt Battle Royals.  You know the ones, sloppily thrown together matches hosting ten of them throwing each other between the second and third rope between a cluster-fuck of hair pulling, arse spanking and pillow fights.

The main issue that causes me to roll my eyes EVERY TIME that Stephanie “The Limelight-Parasite” McMahon’s promo package for the Women’s Rumble (and the liberation of every woman on the planet) is played is that it’s not the ground-breaking, historic feat that is being advertised…nor have any of the accolades relating to equality that WWE have MARKETED in our general direction.

Another thing that rubs me the wrong way is WWE’s constant mentality of deciding to just #ChuckOutAllTheVaginas at once like they’re some kind of novelty act.  This wasn’t so much of an issue during the self-proclaimed “Diva” era.  In fact, I often found myself appreciating the toilet/smoke break while wannabe underwear models and TV stars made a terrible attempt at convincing me they were competing for anything other than the attention of an ego-maniacal, slobbering, horny old man with a stiff, dirty wad of cash in his pants.

Although I do agree that we HAVE come a long way since Trish Stratus barked around like a dog for little-pickled Vince McMahon, I don’t think we’ve travelled far enough away from this yet; mostly because WWE/Vince has never really been up to date with anything.

I’m all for the fairer sex having their own showing of anything the lads have done in the past, but taking over twenty years to be ALLOWED to get to the same level as the penis patrol ISN’T anything close to equality in my mind and I find it cruelly condescending that WWE is making such a song and dance of the matter.

 

Head Pats & Butt Slaps.

This is all a bit too much “look what we’ve finally taught them to do OUTSIDE of the home/kitchen!” for my liking.  That power dynamic is still very evident in my eyes and anyone with half a brain can see this.

By billing this as a women’s variation on something, you are not only highlighting, but practically warning punters that there is a difference in what you’re going to get.  All I hear is “sorry (not sorry), but workplace law states we have to give women some time now, the proper stuff is coming later!”.

I agree that management holds most of the blame here, but some of the lasses (*cough* Sasha Banks *cough*) involved aren’t doing themselves any favours by ignoring the real issues and basking in the attention that the WWE Marketing department has created…A Diva says what?

If you want to be revolutionaries, that’s great.  I encourage everyone (male and female) to fulfil their potential and to be all they can be…but following in someone else’s footsteps many moons later IS NOT the way to attain this; try doing something brand new!

WWE aggressively advertise Wonder Woman and Paprika but instead deliver Shera and Supergirl; who are both great heroines in their own right, but they’re just watching the shop floor while the man of the house is down at the pub.

 

Imitation isn’t innovation.

Both the Women’s Hell in a Cell and Money in the Bank match featured a few memorable spots (from previous matches) and were okay, but nothing more than that I’m afraid.

HIAC had Charlotte Flair tripping all over the place, lowering the quality of match (unnoticed by the attention-stealing, surname-focused, delusional, wooo’ing band-wagon brigade) and MITB was won by half a man!

Adding to that, the recent match between Charlotte and Natalya at Clash of Champions played out to me like two kids putting on a Flair vs. Hart show in front of their dads (and moody uncle) at a family gathering or something.  Their whole shtick is nothing more than tribute act and needless to say, I’m not a fan.

While I’m on the subject, here’s an unpopular opinion about Charlotte…She’s still shitting yellow!  Many claim Charlotte is THE best female wrestler in the world and to that I scoff in your general direction and say that she’s not even close.  It’s obvious to me that she’s not too keen on being there and will vanish once a better career path opens up, she’s terrible and robotic on the microphone and she moves around the ring like a drunk baby.

Granted, she impressed me a bit when first moving to Smackdown as it looked like she was in WWE’s bad books and she knew she needed to make an effort.  Sadly, she’s since reverted back to her old habits once she had the belt and a truckload of nostalgic adoration dumped on top of her.

Telling people they’ve made it before they’ve done anything legitimately astounding is good for no-one!  Grumpy, old, digital delusions like me and people like my #StupidExHuman get pissed off and complain, not to mention the individuals involved NEVER grow/develop/get better at the wrestling or learn anything new about life or themselves.

There’s a door to a whole discussion about entitled Millennials staring at me now, but that will have to wait for another day.

I don’t have the ultimate answer to this dilemma.  I’m just of the strong opinion that putting an award on something before it’s even happened is rather arrogant, presumptuous and well, a massive pile of bullshit and chips…and I’ve no appetite for that, thanks.

I don’t want/need/expect Vince Russo (or the sort) to be picked up any time soon to start booking any of this after the tripe that was served up for the ladies in the past and I’m sure that nobody is asking Santa Foley for the genesis of the Birth Control in the Bank briefcase or 085 Live (in my hotel room after the show).

I’m not a booker or anything, but maybe we could try taking the ropes off the ring and have an all-out battle in that environment?  Two women want to hurt each other so badly that traditional rules need not apply here as they require a stage for destruction and not a ring for competition.

It’s not perfect but at least I tried, it’s more than can be said about some folk that are paid to sort this shit out.

 

THE Man’s View of The Women.

In the past, I’ve entertained the argument that Vince & Co. are already trying different things and putting women in a different light via Stephanie’s role.  This doesn’t sit well with me for a few reasons.

First of all, her role doesn’t offer anything new from the role her old man got a hard-on for before her.  WWE loves a nice big scary authority figure and in simple copy & paste fashion she’s just a female version of Vince.

Obviously, she’s not at THE top of the totem pole yet.  A delusional (male) pensioner still knows more than a girl in WWE, so Stephanie‘s just someone to enforce/abuse the law when daddy’s not there.

Secondly, there was never a single decent personality trait within either “The Billion Dollar Abuse Victim” or her “Boss-Woman Lady-Balls” characters.  This to me suggests she’s also just a product of Broken Vince’s view of women and that’s the simple fact that ALL BITCHES BE CRAZY…especially the ones with a little bit of power.

Just because the (male) puppet-master was successful in life/the business by being a cold-blooded psychopath that gave zero shits about the people caught up in the ramifications of his actions, it doesn’t mean that a woman can ONLY be as (or more) successful by emulating the same abhorrent behaviour.

 

Between Scylla and Charybdis.

It’s truly a horrifying thought that it’s essentially a choice between Stephanie’s Mega-Bitch Banshee or #FakeTitsBella and the tried and tested “get your tits done, try and look pretty and act like a superficial bimbo” approach for showcased female role models in WWE Land.

“What about Nia Jax?” I hear you cry.  Well, a few months ago I would have agreed that she’s not like most girls (I even used to refer to her as Nia “The Bitch-Fister” Jax), but we’ve since seen her tarting herself up and running around after a sewer rat of a man whose gimmick was treating/speaking to people like utter shit…so, yeah, that’s something different.

</sarcasm>

Fingers crossed that this is just over concern on my behalf and believe it or not, I AM indeed throwing positive energy their way and hoping this is the beginning of the actual Women’s Revolution and we’re finally going to turn the corner on this…preferably with a little bit of the Ronda Rousey!

 

Digest and discuss! Feel free to do so via any of the methods below.

-Background Artwork designed by Rachael Hope Media.

 

Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you again soon!