WWE Raw on Netflix Debut results and commentary from Danny Damage!
Previously On…
My first question to WWE/Triple H is: Isn’t all that Netflix money good enough for you whores?
Jesus lap-dancing Christ! I’ve said ad nauseum that, of course, making money is a good thing, but balance is also worth attaining.
I wasn’t going to write anything about WWE Raw’s debut on Netflix, I was just going to watch how it was put together, but then I witnessed this abomination and decided that hijacking tonight’s episode of The Dr. Huge Show with six hours of me ranting wouldn’t be the proper response.
So, anticipation and expectations have been high since the WWE & Netflix deal, however, we’re still going to be force-fed a lot of stuff we didn’t ask for and that we aren’t interested in while waiting for our wrestling.
Most obviously, we’re back to three hours of Raw. Why? Was this just for the Netflix debut, or can’t WWE stand to have lost out on the advertising fees for that third hour?
Recently, part of me was glad with WWE’s approach. They realised that pimping Raw and its roster out for three hours each week was way too much and they promised to dial it back to two hours. That was until WWE decided SmackDown was going to get worn out for three hours instead, meaning that they just transferred the abuse from one show to another. It wasn’t that long ago people were saying the best thing about SmackDown was that it was only two hours long. Honestly, this is so counter-productive.
Sadly, each week brings us additional evidence that the more things change, the more they stay the same…
In short, we’re on a new station/platform, with new management, but we fans still need to endure the same old shitstorm of commercial breaks and seasonal relegation as before, maybe even more.
WWE Raw on Netflix Debut Results
Mere moments into the WWE Raw debut episode on Netflix, I spotted a total of six non-WWE logos on their ring mat: Netflix, Cricket Wireless, Fortnite, Snickers, Riyadh Season, and Real American Beer. I do like the darker ring though, but it doesn’t make up for the canvas with everyone else’s mess on it.
Whatever/whoever is responsible for the terrible theme music muttering away in the background needs a word. Like much of the cross-promotional chart shite used on WWE programming, it sounds like selection menu music for a WWE video game, you know, one of the ones you quickly forget and don’t miss.
Setting The Table
There was a nice little historical video package that opened up the show, but there was too much mark/carny lingo in the narration for my liking. If you’re trying to attract new customers, maybe don’t start with “this is all manufactured bollocks” before they’ve sat down and invested/bought into anything.
Now, I appreciate the partial effort to show that wrestling has a serious side and that it comes from a different world than the one we live in today, but those who don’t like/get wrestling will NEVER see the industry the same way that we do. To them, it will only ever be how South Park depicted it in its “W.T.F.” episode from 2009.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as painful as Vince McMahon’s decades-long quest to find the fabled “modern, casual fan”, but it will only produce the same results; upsetting your diehards as they’re nudged aside for potential tourists and bandwagoners.
The People’s Shampion
Once again, The Rock knows when there are a lot of eyes paying attention to someone/something, and he knows when and how to interject himself into all of the publicity surrounding a subject.
Sure, he got a big pop when his music initially hit, but that soon faded when he went on for too long.
As well as the custom WWE Shop Zone championship belt he gave to someone else to give back to him at the Hall of Fame ceremony, he has also been acknowledged by real-life figures to make him a “real life Tribal Chief” and to seem more of a man of the people. It isn’t working.
Rocky also started attempting to humanise himself with a story about families and the poor struggling to pay for wrestling tickets, but then he flashed his throbbing excitement for the entertainment industry in general as he banged on about how many people were watching on Netflix. </audition>
I’m not buying any of his fake niceness and accomplishments, are you? I mean, when you’ve spent months prancing around with a fake title belt, why should anyone care about other titles you accept and boast about/politicise?
Is It Contagious?
Someone else who doesn’t need to be such a try-hard is Alicia Taylor. Before people even knew who Samantha Irvine was, Alicia was kicking arse and showing how to do her job with ease. She has ZERO reason to try and emulate Irvine’s attempts at forcing her skeleton out of her mouth/body and stealing the spotlight from the in-ring talent.
No Lessons Learned
20-odd minutes in and we’re going to get the first match of the night. Well, both competitors are brought in and introduced, but then we cut to a commercial break.
When that’s done, WWE decided that this was the best time to play the recap/hype package for the match already lined up AND NOT before the men walked down the aisle. Even Roman Reigns has to watch all the ads on the big screen.
IMO, this is the worst way to do this. The crowd were boiling hot when the match was being set up, they cooled down significantly after they were forced to watch videos for ten minutes or so of WWE & Pals peddling their wares.
It’s like a waiter bringing out your food and then stopping you from eating it as he insists on hyping it and selling it to you a second time. This does nothing but cause your meal to go cold.
Roman Reigns vs. Solo Sikoa (Tribal Warfare)
Winner: Roman Reigns (pinfall)
Once I’d settled down and felt I was no longer being sold products everywhere I looked, an excited Pat McAfee started pointing at Roman Reigns’ boots and telling the audience what they were and how highly he thought of them. Then the same brand was on display when Roman’s boxer shorts were pulled higher up than his trousers. The first, at least, was a blatant act of product placement. The boxers could have just been a genuine coincidence.
Despite this and other best efforts from WWE, Roman still hasn’t broken into Hollywood yet, has he?
Regarding the match, we were subjected to the usual Roman Reigns/Dead Man cosplay pacing, with Slimoa Joe Solo Sikoa being on top for a large portion of the contest. When Roman regained his wits, he utilised the Undertaker’s Last Ride and put Solo through a table.
This didn’t end the match, as Tama Tonga appeared to save Sikoa. Jacob Fatu also showed up and together, Bloodline V2 destroyed Reigns.
This brought out Sami “The Bum” Zayn and Drunky Jimmy Uso, who saved Roman and brawled with the other Samoans until they were all off camera.
This opened the door for Kevin Owens to slide in and knock Roman down with a Stunner, but it only got Sikoa a two-count. Cody Rhodes then neutralised Owens, essentially resetting the match.
In the final moments, Solo went for his Samoan Spike, but Roman ducked it and hit a pair of back-to-back Spears. This won him the contest and re-earned him the possession of the “Ula Fala”.
Speaking of the Ula Fala, a spotlight-deprived Rock needed to come back out, take the prop out of Paul Heyman’s hands and place it around Reings’ neck. The “cousins” shook hands, hugged, and remained in the ring together as Roman celebrated his win.
What They Call Journalism…
Pretty Face With Microphone #1 Jackie Redmond was backstage and giddily uttered a phrase along the lines of “OMG, you guys, we’re just getting started”. Yes, they advertise her as a journalist.
The Knickers Stay Down
This may be old news to some, but WWE aired an advert stating that the WWE Royal Rumble 2026 will be held in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. This explains the use of the “Riyadh Season” logo in the ring, in the same way that Andy from Toy Story writes his name on his toys/property.
Whores.
As the cameras struggled to find celebrities in the crowd that I give a shit about, mainly because they’re only there to promote themselves and not because they love the thing that we’re all trying to watch, another future Hall of Famer returned.
Cena’s Final Fantasy
As I don’t keep up with his film career, I’m not sure why John Cena looked like he’s been on a hunger strike recently.
Once he got into the ring and the audience calmed down, John proceeded to get his tongue at least four inches into the LA crowd’s arseholes. Considering Cena didn’t mind getting passed around in China and getting his holes filled (in a business sense), letting Netflix/a Hollywood-heavy crowd have a turn doesn’t surprise me.
Once this nauseating display was over, Cena entered himself in the Royal Rumble with the hope of winning it, getting a title match, and breaking Ric Flair’s record.
And now it’s time for the…
Arse Cheek Championship
Well, not quite. Mid Morgan and posse were sent down to the ring, then we got a chunk of commercials for over ten minutes.
This unexpected sidequest began with the hype package for the match and the backstory between the two women.
Cole then mentioned “massive” WWE fans as the camera revealed Seth Green and Macaulay Culkin, two of Hollywood’s most tiny gentlemen. Seriously, they look/carry themselves like twelve-year-old kids. Did something happen to them?
We got to see that X-Pac is looking well and is enjoying himself.
Then Rhea Ripley came down the aisle, as Morgan and company had just been hanging out in the ring all this time.
Rhea Ripley vs. Liv Morgan
Winner: Rhea Ripley (pinfall)
Dominic and Raquel helped keep Rhea off-balance and Liv on the attack for a lot of the match. When Ripley finally got a fair shot in, one of the two on the outside would halt her efforts.
There was an ad break mid-match because WWE doesn’t learn.
Rhea landed the Riptide on Morgan, but it only got two. No shenanigans from the heels either, Liv just kicked out of the monster’s finisher so she’d look really strong.
Liv’s attempt at a Frog Splash represented her accurately. Go back and watch that thing, blergh.
In the end, Ripley blocked Morgan’s stupid finishing move and flattened her with two Riptides; because Liv obviously needed to look even stronger than before, even in defeat.
As Ripley raised her new title, Dominic slithered in for a hug. He got a boot in the balls and a Riptide for the suggestion and it seems Rhea has possibly turned a corner with this feud.
For some reason, American Badass Undertaker appeared after the match to circle the ring and give Ripley a high-five.
The Dead Man gimmick is perfect for someone trying to age gracefully. He can slow-walk down, chokeslam some trouble-maker, roll his eyes, and then vanish into the darkness.
Now, I’m no expert on motor vehicles in general, let alone motorbikes, but I’m sure the style of ride Undertaker was on has changed. By my calculations, it won’t be long before it changes again…
Less is More
Pretty Face #2 Cathy Kelley is backstage with Adam Pearce and American Made. Chad Gable ends up talking too much and leaving Pearce with the task of finding a luchador to fight Gable.
Similarly, while Pretty Face #1 was interviewing The Miz, Karion Kross exposed himself by saying too much and being too whacky. Still, Kross will continue to wonder why so many people refuse to take him seriously as a tough guy.
Already overstaying his welcome earlier in the night, The Rock was back on our screens advertising Instagram and his profile on the platform. The footage showed him hugging familiar faces in the gorilla position before greeting non-wrestling people I’m meant to care about in the parking lot.
Rock got in his truck, said he’d be on NXT the following night, and then drove off.
Jay Uso was then welcomed by the fans as he arrived through the crowd with another “celebrity” in tow. This one was also wearing a title belt he’d purchased and his priority was to parade it around for all to see. He was just putting himself over and it did not look good. This didn’t enhance anything for Uso or WWE, as per many deals made to appeal and pander to that “modern, casual fan”.
For his sins, Uso was made to wait in the ring during a commercial break and the hype/recap package.
Drew McIntyre vs. Jay Uso
Winner: Jay Uso (pinfall)
As he frequently does, Jay got way too much in for my liking. I know many love him for the catchphrase and the t-shirts, but that’s not for me, thanks. Drew even hit him clean with a Claymore and Uso still kicked out. I’m not buying that the huge, nutcase of a Scot couldn’t wipe the floor with WWE’s current incarnation of Goofy.
After quite a beating, Jay fell to his knees when McIntyre was setting up for another Claymore. Drew revelled in his apparent victory and went for his finish again. The only problem for him was that Uso was playing possum and he stole the win via a sneaky roll-up.
A Moment of Perfection
Next, we were treated to a fantastic Gunther promo video that made wonderful use of George Frideric Handel’s “Keyboard Suite No 4 in D Minor”. This classic was accompanied by clips of the big lad working out and chopping the meat off of people’s chests. Enough said.
One Sponsor Used to Be Enough…
Pretty Face #2 was in the back speaking to “Fluffy”, another toy of Netflix’s who has the time to bark for them in between matches. The New Day stepped onto the scene and (correctly) pointed out that the air time should be given to wrestling talent such as themselves. They are informed that there’s no more time and we move on to the next segment.
We then see Paul Heyman asking Roman Reigns when he’d like to have his big ceremony. Reigns told him “January 27th”, and when their locker room door closed, the WWE 2K25 logo became visible.
Pretty Face #1 was in the back interviewing Rhea Ripley, who was still covered in the aura produced by The Undertaker giving her the rub and a high-five earlier on. Damian Priest, everyone’s favourite manufactured tough guy, was obviously hanging around to suck up that energy with a straw. Omnomnomnomnom.
The cameras ran through the crowd again to point out talent who had the night off, as well as professional pretenders, people who pretend to sell music, and other needy narcissists with championship belts they effortlessly purchased from the gift shop, all of whom craved that screen time.
Speaking of the vapid, Nikki Bella was spotted during this moment. Michael Cole, who I’m assuming was actually trying to be genuine, hilariously used the phrase “paved the way” when referring to Fake Tits Bella’s involvement in the women’s wrestling evolution. Be realistic, the Bella twins acted as a warning, not a blueprint.
Sure, there are hammers and arse cheeks on show during 99% of the women’s matches today, but female heels used sex appeal in their gimmicks long before the Bella’s backsides touched a casting couch/hot tub. The primary thing that those two helped normalise was the sight and sound of extremely low-quality, reality-TV-style trash acting/screaming/tantruming in wrestling.
Poor Jimmy Hart
Next up was a segment featuring Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart. Now, although the majority of the people in the building were giving Hogan shit by a certain point, a lot more of them popped during the first couple of guitar strums from his “Real American” theme song.
Don’t get me wrong, the response was appropriate and predictable. For starters, they’re in Commiefornia, what the bloody hell did they expect? This wasn’t a building full of America-first, Trump supporters with limited wrestling knowledge.
Second, Hogan turned up with a Jimmy Hart shield, who had an American flag as a shield. This was an attempt to protect Hulk, who was wearing a t-shirt flogging the beer brand he’s involved in. I think people also saw this cheap and tactless performance and they weren’t buying anything The Hulkster had to sell.
Sure, Undertaker had The Orange Dude on his podcast and the fans didn’t give him grief tonight, but ‘Taker just turned up in character and did his bit for the show/upcoming talent, he didn’t open up shop and try to rustle up business on the side.
Low Expectations
Due to the previous matches following a pattern, it was nice to see the main event wasn’t derailed (during the start-up, at least) by making the combatants wait in the ring for over ten minutes while playing videos on the screen.
Well done.
CM Punk vs. Seth Rollins
Winner: CM Punk (pinfall)
Both guys had fan support, although CM Punk’s was noticeably louder. Together, they put on a good match that mirrored their ongoing rivalry’s tone and ability to suspend disbelief. Their snarky sniping has left many thinking there’s legitimate heat between the two, and the same could easily be perceived of their actions in the ring.
WWE: “Don’t mind the ad break in the middle of the main event, we haven’t had nearly enough time or opportunity to shamelessly whore a variety of non-wrestling products on the program we’ve already been paid stupid money to make! Hopefully, the disruption to the story being told won’t reduce your enjoyment at all.” </sarcasm>
When we returned, Seth and Punk were on the commentary table. Seth hit a Pedigree but smashed his own knee up in the process. He managed to roll Punk into the ring for a pin attempt but only got a two.
As Seth built momentum, he rattled Punk with a Buckle-bomb and Curb Stomp combination, but that only resulted in a two-count as well.
The contest’s climax came when Rollins hit his Super-plex, but the follow-up Falcon Arrow was blocked by Punk, who turned it into a Go To Sleep. One more GTS on Seth secured the victory for CM Punk, who appeared to escape uninjured.
And Another Thing…
Damn, that went on for a while, and with only four matches on a three-hour card, it especially felt like it was dragging tonight. Some of the PLEs have four or five bouts in that time and they don’t feel as painful.
My guess is that we have the mainstream/Hollywood/entertainment industry crowd sniffing around to blame, as per WrestleMania season, and the majority of what we saw this evening wasn’t really for us.
Just like in the day of Vince McMahon, we’re getting pushed aside for the broader fanbase the company really wants. This has been happening in wrestling for decades, but this tactic has reared its head in multiple other industries in recent years: film, comics, video games, tabletop games, and so on.
From a business standpoint, WWE will be happy with all the networking and promotion they feel they did, but the number of grifters/leeches latching on to the new, current, shiny thing, will considerably outweigh the number of people checking out wrestling for the first time and spending money.
Anyone new that managed to catch this show will see all three hours of navel-gazing, circle-jerking, self-back-patting, and noses in the air and think “They really know how to suck their own dick, don’t they?”, while simultaneously noticing how quickly the company will drop trow and let someone bend them and their talent over for a few bucks.
– OLDER RESULTS –
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