WWE Money in the Bank results (2024) and commentary from Danny Damage!
Previously On…
Pandering to The Vultures of Television has recently ruined more television wrestling (SmackDown last week) and I’m happy for the vindication.
On what has been celebrated as one of the best SmackDowns in a long time, the episode was almost unwatchable by many as FOX cut the audio and blacked out the feed on more occasions than ever before. Sadly, it seems the priority is still sponsors>network>office>fans.
I get at WWE a lot for shamelessly whoring itself out to all these TV stations, sponsors, stadiums, cities and countries. It’s filthy WHILE being withoug Vince McMahon, but it’s not as bad as it could have been. Vince selling it to Disney, for example, would have been disgusting.
IMO, it’s better to be a UFC-type that’s improving and impressing the fan base, rather than an exhumed, over-milked, nostalgic corpse of an intellectual property that should be a money-printing machine, but somehow churns out relentlessly mediocre tribute acts and forgettable efforts in cosplay cinema.
WWE Money in the Bank Results (2024)
Men’s Money in the Bank Match
Winner: Drew McIntyre
As per every MITB match, we were served a chaotic supply of risky high spots and furniture breakage.
LA Knight was the obvious fan favourite, with plenty of people behind Jay Uso too.
Chad Gable played a part in many of the big exchanges in the match, with the crowd giving him grief at every opportunity.
Before Drew McIntyre finally retrieved the briefcase, the audience got on his arse with CM Punk chants.
Please, WWE, stop trying to make Main Event Jay Uso happen. He isn’t all that you want him to be. He fulfils the same criteria as he did when face painted and haka dancing, except there’s only one of him. Yes, people love his little dance during his intro and his catchphrase during promos, but once the bell rings, he’s average at best…at least compared to the rest of the top-tier talent on hand in WWE. If you keep forcing it in this way, you’re just going to damage other potential stars, a la LA Knight.
Bron Breakker vs. Sami Zayn (Intercontinental Title)
Winner: Sami Zayn (pinfall)
I expected a bigger pop for Sami Zayn turning up in Canada. Has he drawn water from the well too many times? Don’t get me wrong, they were behind him, but the intensity has definitely diminished after repeat visits.
From the start, Breakker tossed Zayn around with ease and Sami had to fight from underneath.
Bron looks like a million dollars, neatly stored in an expensive briefcase. Zayn looks like a crumpled-up handful of dollar bills, found down the back of a piss-soaked crack den couch.
Breakker did the spot where he jumped off the ring apron and elbow-dropped Zayn, who was propped against the announce table, but Bron caught his knee on the landing.
Once back in the ring, Breakker tried to wrap things up, but Zayn managed to hit a Helluva Kick and retained his belt.
Meh, I’m not buying it. That’s Gunther, Gable and Bron now used to make Sami look really strong…fuck off.
Damian Priest vs. Seth Rollins (World Title)
Winner: Damian Priest (pinfall)
As soon as the match started, both of the lads were looking up the aisle, expecting Drew McIntyre to appear with his newly acquired MITB briefcase.
Because of this, they both wrestled with a sense of urgency and skipped the cautious, feeling-out process.
A few minutes into it, Seth got a very near-fall after his Superplex-Falcon Arrow combination, which lured McIntyre out to cash in his briefcase. The match was reset as a triple threat and Drew was back in contention for a championship.
However, before the new Mr. Money in the Bank made the most of the situation, CM Punk appeared out of nowhere and dragged Drew to the outside. Several chair shots later, Punk threw McIntrye back into the ring, knocked him out with the belt he was chasing, and then Priest retained his title with a South of Heaven chokeslam.
Let’s be honest, Priest as champion isn’t having the intended effect. I’m getting Jack Swagger vibes, where WWE want something to happen a lot more than the natural order of things does. Where WWE sees a modern Undertaker, I see another Gangrel…maybe another Diesel, if I’m being really generous.
Yeah, he looked and sounded like a meathead against the college kids on NXT and while standing next to the rest of Judgment Day, but he’s in the big leagues now, the measuring stick has changed.
Women’s Money in the Bank Match
Winner: Tiffany Stratton
Big pop for Tiffany Stratton and Chelsea Green, despite being heels.
It didn’t take long for the bout to turn sloppy. Everyone had little spots they wanted to do with/onto/off of a ladder, but the lasses were slipping, tripping and missing almost as much as they performed successfully.
We already had one incoherent, video game-style match, we didn’t need a second. The impact was diluted before the bell even rang.
The finish saw Chelsea overcome her fear of heights, only to have Stratton tip her ladder over and put Green through a pair of tables on the arena floor. Tiffany then pulled down the briefcase for the win.
For the record, Zoe Stark and Iyo Sky were the only ones not competing for the women’s arse cheeks championship. Female heels can get away with it, but the faces could try to be a bit more modest. Naomi is supposed to be the role model/inspirational one, but a large part of her gimmick is STILL that she glows in the dark and can rub her downstairs on the floor while in the splits position.
Well, at least we didn’t have to endure Mid Morgan tonight.
The Bloodline vs. R-KO & Cody Rhodes
Winners: The Bloodline (pinfall)
The initial stage of the match saw the faces fending off the heels until Randy Orton and Jacob Fatu came face to face. Fatu no-sold some of Orton’s offence, which let the Bloodline cut the ring in half and isolate Randy.
After that, Solo and co. kept the pressure on, fighting like a well-oiled machine and giving Fatu a chance to showcase some of his move set and moral-free mentality.
The match slowed down a bit once Cody and Sikoa squared off. However, the ring-side doctor got knocked out when the faces tried to neutralise Fatu, as did the referee once Rhodes and Solo went at it again in the ring.
The fight turned into a free-for-all on the floor and the official got hit again. Owens splashed Fatu through the announce table and rolled Tama Tonga into the ring. Before KO could put Tama down, Tonga Loa low-blowed him. Orton and Cody cleared house, with Rhodes looking to have the match won, but Jacob Fatu reappeared and helped Solo keep the Undisputed Champion down for the three-count.
The match ended with the visual of Sikoa pinning the champ and the show went off the air with the new Bloodline acknowledging their new tribal chief.
They’re not a faction without potential, but I’m really not being sold that Solo’s Bloodline are uncontrollable wild men. For starters, ALL of them have the same stylish beards and haircuts as >90% of the population. I’m not saying that someone needs a chicken bone through their nose, but looking as well-groomed as the average high-profile sports star doesn’t put over their unpredictable and dangerous nature.
I will acknowledge Slimoa Joe Solo Sikoa’s growth, even though he still stinks of a knock-off Samoa Joe. It’s not even subtle. The colour scheme AND the type of attire match that of Joe in his prime. Again, Sikoa is doing great things with what he’s been given, so my criticism doesn’t fall solely on his head.
And Another Thing…
LA Knight’s been left to cool off. He should have been Logan Paul’s opponent at WrestleMania, not Randy Orton and Kevin Owens. Not that the match we got was bad, but Knight needed it 100x more. He was involved in the first match of the night and that’s all we saw of him. LA’s ready for the main event matches, he proved that last year and the fans are all the way behind him too.
Halfway through the show, Trish Stratus, the apparent host for the evening, came out and introduced John Cena. Cena, wearing all red, announced that his last match will be at WrestleMania 41 next year and following that, he’s off to be a full-time pet for a certain regime he’s been friendly with for some time. Honestly, if he hadn’t been a part of that blunder the other year and transformed himself from Mr. Red, White and Blue into another Hollywood Whore, I’d say let him beat Ric Flair’s record.
Unfortunately, WWE is back into the mass whorey advertising again. During the men’s and the women’s ladder matches, the worst of the streaming services and a show that isn’t nearly as sharp and witty as it thinks it is were plastered all over the ring/arena/screen.
Steady on there, Trips, you CAN advertise other stuff WITHOUT ripping off your panties, throwing them in the trash and letting anyone with a fat enough wallet go to town. Show some restraint.
Oh yeah, as per usual, Samantha Irvin was ridiculous.
– OLDER PPV RESULTS –
- WWE Clash at the Castle 2024
- WWE King of the Ring 2024
- WWE Backlash 2024
- WWE WrestleMania 40 (Night 2)
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