Hello and thanks for showing up to rant, rave and reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw.
#RAW
Recap of the Fatal 4-Way announcement and another recently re-hashed “half the locker room holding guys apart” segment last week.
GM Kurt Angle is out first once again. He cuts a nice little homecoming promo and appears to be having the time of his life.
Kurt hopes everyone enjoys the show and begins to leave the ring.
However, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman head out before Kurt’s feet hit the floor.
Heyman points out how unfair the Summerslam title match is and that Kurt’s just following orders to take the belt off of Brock. He adds that if Kurt’s plan of stripping Brock of the belt comes to fruition, he and Lesnar will leave the WWE.
They maintain an angry pout throughout and swagger off to the back once they’ve had their say.
The Hardy Boyz vs. Gallows & Anderson
Twist of Fate, Swanton, done.
The Revival joined the lads at the table for the match and they started a fight on the ramp afterwards. All three teams were eventually involved and The Hardy Boyz came out on top of that skirmish too.
Fingers crossed that this is just them burning out before getting broken in the very near future. They’re chucking gimmick teases out left, right and centre now. There’s nothing subtle about it.
Renee Young and Dean Ambrose look back at the main event from last week where Dean left Seth Rollins hanging after the main event.
Seth joins them and Dean rapidly reiterates that he still doesn’t trust him and walks off.
Sheamus and Cesaro poke fun at a sulking Seth Rollins whilst wearing each other’s merchandise. Seth puffs his chest out and challenges either of them.
Sheamus steps up to the task and squares up to Seth.
Tony Nese, Ariya Daivari & TJP vs. Rich Swann, Cedric Alexander & Akira Tozawa (w/Titus O’Neil)
Team face wins, shame the match was over in a flash.
WWE continues to treat what Vince thinks is his midget division in the same manner as his divas; a bit of the old “get everyone we’ve got and chuck ’em into the same match real quick” bullshit.
#MizTV
The Mizterons fill the ring and much to my amusement, The Miz takes shots at the local crowd. He then goes on to introduce their guest.
Jason Jordan has an appropriately generic/plastic new theme song and takes a seat in the ring.
Miz tries to recruit him into The Mizterons, but Jordan declines. Miz takes exception to this and starts slagging off Kurt Angle, so Jordan tosses Miz into Axel and Dallas before running away.
Southern New Hampshire University advert OUTTA NOWHERE!
A bit of an odd thing to catch my attention, but a bit of an odd thing to catch hold of the WWE. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a much better choice of things to promote than the crap they usually flog, just a shame they had nothing other than a website address flash up as a means of selling something productive like education.
Seth Rollins vs Sheamus (w/Cesaro)
Despite Cesaro causing many a distraction, Seth gets a sneaky roll-up and steals a victory. Sheasaro beat the shit out of him for this and this causes Ambrose to eventually show up.
Ambrose gets his arse handed to him too, as the tag champs demonstrate their dominance over two top level guys.
I’m not sure if Sheasaro wants to keep trying this though.
I’m all for them trying to get fusion to work. I of all people appreciate the gesture to no end, but this isn’t a technique they should carelessly play around with.
Should they manage to match their energy levels, they’re nowhere close to being mirrored and the result from that attempt would have been more James Elsworth than Braun Strowman.
Graves, Cole and Booker T do Bray Wyatt a favour and talk continuously while Bray walks to the ring……….since he has no fucking music, lighting or a specially choreographed entrance or anything.
Bray sort of talks about Finn Balor for a bit.
Lights out.
Finn behind him and sends Bray packing.
Fifty-fifty silliness again.
Why not have Bray continue to get the upper hand against Finn, causing Balor to NEED to become the demon in order to overcome a powerful foe?
#TripleThreatButNotImportantEnoughToBeMainEvent
Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
There were even a few children in the crowd that gave thumbs down after Reigns scored a pinfall on Samoa Joe.
A great match, everyone gave it their all. It did its job in serving as a taster for the title match at SummerSlam.
“Elias” lures his fellow Pittsburgians into thinking he’s going to sing a nice song about where he’s from…………………..stupid idiots.
The smug bastard lets them have it and their adoration soon combusts into anger.
Fantastic.
Kalisto vs. Elias “it’s my turn to not be allowed a surname anymore for some reason” Samson
A straightforward match offering Elias the opportunity to be showcased with his shortened name and current move-set. He hits his Drift Away / Drifter Way for the win.
Moy gwest at vis toime, Charles the Dwarf gets Alexa Bliss’ thoughts on Bayley taking on Nia Jax later.
Bliss is brilliant at being a dickhead. Give her a pay rise.
A topless Seth Rollins attempts to thank an equally half-naked Dean Ambrose for trying to help him earlier on. Dean cuts Seth off and points out Seth created a scenario in which Dean would have look like a prick if he hadn’t come out and tried to save him.
Dean leaves Seth looking like a saaaaaaad paaaaaanda once again.
Bayley vs. Nia “The Bitch-Dropper” Jax
Despite her possibly getting injured during the match, Bayley won via count-out after Nia tried to crush her against the steel steps and Bayley jumped out of the way and back into the ring.
I wonder if Nia and Tamina call each other to discuss their little blonde prison bitches, they both appear keen for a piece.
Ahahahahahahaha!
They’ve changed Big Test’s theme music already!
#WhyIsThisTheMainEvent
Big Cass vs. Big Show (w/Enzo Amore)
Cass looks to be setting up the end of the match when Enzo throws himself at Cass and gets Show disqualified.
Enzo gets dropped like a sack of shit but Big Show knocks Cass out with his KO Punch before carrying Enzo away to safety…..presumably to the care home.
Afterthoughts.
The development with Dean and Seth is chugging away nicely.
I’m just waiting for the moment when Seth finally proves himself and then Dean tears out his heart, eats it, shits it out and then annihilates it with a steel chair.
The main event sucked balls. Why didn’t they end with the triple threat?
Did Vince have Roman booked in to get his hair, teeth and nails done or something? Or is this another case of “Raw’s too long”/something else being on TV at the same time and WWE’s balls shrinking along with their ratings?
Something else that made me almost as surprised were the lengths made during said triple threat match.
It seemed to be that Vince offered a bonus to the lads at the table for the person who put Roman Reigns over the most. I know they always put him over anyway, but this was just mental.
This is one of the most sickening, forced attempts at getting someone that people don’t want to cheer over as a valiant babyface since Michael Cole first publicly fingered himself over John Cena.
Bad form.
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