Previously on THE RAW RANT………….

 

 

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-duuuuuun.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-duuuuuun.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-duuuuuun.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-duuuuuun.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-duuuuuun.

…………………………………….

Your Raw Rant has evolved into……..

 

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Hello and welcome, one and all.

Since I insist on gobbing off at least once a week and since WWE are adamant on having 9999 hours of wrestling a week (Raw being 95% of that), I’ve decided to change suit (figuratively, this one is the only one I currently own) and stop running down the entire show segment by segment, minute by minute.

Instead of my usual shower of bazooka rounds on the show, I’ll be using the sniper rifle and only taking two precision shots, highlighting the strongest and weakest parts of the show……….or at least just my personal favourite and worst moments.

Unfurl the sails and hoist the anchor as blunt, yet constructive criticism is surely on the horizon!

 

 

#OneHitOneShit

 

 

Direct hit.
(The Miz owns Cena and Reigns)

 

What a fantastic promo delivered by The Miz this week.

With both of the poster boys of the WWE in the ring, The Miz derailed the potential confrontation between them and told it like it is.  The live crowd were well into hearing how Cena and Reigns shouldn’t still be receiving the pushes that they get offered on a constant basis and The Miz was more than happy to go with the flow.

He went on to remind us all of his hard work and demanded that he gets the main event attention that he deserves.  Cena agreed (with everything else Miz was saying too) and challenged Miz and a minion to take on himself and Reigns.

Samoa Joe showed up and aligned himself with The Miz instead of a fellow Mizteron and a brawl broke out.  The main event is later announced and it is indeed Miz & Joe vs. Cena & Reigns.

 

This isn’t the first time that The Miz has amused the piss out of me and gone off on one either.  Whether it’s Raw, Smackdown or any of the pre/post shows, The Miz has managed to offer that additional whiff of reality to his work.

Lastly, despite being the individual that generally avoids grey areas and tries his best to be a pure heel, he’s inadvertently shown me that he’s actually a really decent bloke.  The whole rant at Daniel Bryan buggering off to put on Indy shows in bingo halls was for the sake of Bryan’s sanity, he’s also done a grand job of giving the rub to Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel and trying his hardest to get them over.

Sadly, I don’t think any of the mongoloids backstage will even fire up their brains to acknowledge “oh yeah, they’re both third generation talent and we COULD use them a lot better using our own initiative and creativity”.

 

 

Sack of shit.
(Emma used for jobbing purposes again)

Nia “The Bitch-Fister” Jax needed to look strong and Emma was in the locker room complaining about how she’s being over-looked.  The match lasted a minute or less and Emma’s offensive skills were totally redundant.

I’m convinced WWE are acting like Emma never changed her gimmick from “Attractive, yet alarmingly-slow-in-the-head lass from down the street”, to “Slutty B-movie Space-cop” before they stuck their foot out in front of her career and sent her face-planting into the ground with the whole Emma-lina abomination.

So when they back-peddled away from a gimmick consisting mostly of some bint showing her tats and arse hanging out on Instagram, they went all the way back to the start with her and turned her back into a fucking joke.

Why are we still using seasoned, pre-existing main roster talent for cannon fodder when there are greener gals on the lesser shows such as NXT and The Mae Young Classic?  We’ve got five to six women on each of the main rosters and it’s impossible to build a division like that.

Either beef up your rosters, or get local/lesser talent to pop in for squash matches; I’m sure plenty of newbies would salivate at the idea of their first televised match, even if they are just to eat the entire move-set of a top star in the space of sixty seconds.

 

This argument is also applicable to the male roster too, seeing as WWE love their 50/50 booking and don’t seem to think about many elements of their product on a long-term basis.

Their whole “wins and losses don’t matter” line is a giant, turgid bowl of dog shit and chips and it adds nothing positive to the stories they try to tell.

Sort it out!

 

 

The rest of the show.

 

Overall, Raw was pretty fun.

There were the obligatory piss-break matches/segments that you’d expect from a three hour show, but I had the chance to stay up and watch it live and I was not disappointed.

It’s just a shame about the shitty live crowd.

WWE should start giving out colouring books on the door to the mainstream wankers with short attention spans requiring a beach ball to occupy their feeble little minds so that they don’t distract/aggrevate other people that are actually there for the wrestling.

 

Digest and discuss! Feel free to do so in the comments or via any of the means listed below.

 

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Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you again soon!