Hello and welcome, one and all.
Because I insist on gobbing off on a weekly basis and since WWE are adamant on having 9999 hours of wrestling per week (Raw being 95% of that), my usual shower of bazooka rounds has been replaced with a rather nifty sniper rifle that I’ll be using to highlight the strongest and weakest parts of the show……….or at least just my personal favourite and worst moments.
Unfurl the sails and hoist the anchor as blunt, yet constructive criticism is surely on the horizon!
It’s…….
#OneHitOneShit
Big Show and Braun Strowman offered hit after hit in their cage match tonight. This match seemed (to me at least) like a nice send off for The Big Show.
Big Show had a huge chunk of time with his pre-match promo and with all 9999 flashbacks of Show’s last encounter with Braun, they really made this match seem like a big deal.
Both blokes looked like they were having tonnes of fun out there and this, in turn, exacerbated my enjoyment of their collision.
Big Show hurled himself off the top rope and landed a giant elbow drop, Braun got to work another match with someone roughly the same size as him and the crowd were gobbling it up like Vince with his face in a bucket of Steroids, Viagra and testosterone supplements.
After these two battered the absolute piss out of each other for a while, it was Strowman who came out on top and then proceeded to launch Big Show over the top rope and through one of the cage panels.
Adding to my comment earlier, whilst combining the amount of effort made before the bout to make it feel special and taking into consideration the way Big Show debuted and then how he was practically killed by Braun’s final attack into a cage, I think that this may have been a nice subtle way for Big Show to retire and to pass the torch to the younger, up-and-comer.
I’m sure I recall him saying in an interview somewhere that he didn’t want to make a big song and dance when he does finally decide to call it a day.
Hats off to the big lad if this is the case. Despite him being boring at times due to dodgy booking, he’s one of a kind and an impressive specimen of an athlete/human being.
What the absolute shit is this?
The opening of Raw offered us a video package of the verbal beat-down that Roman Reigns was delivered by John Cena last week.
However, the video was edited so that Roman looked like he knew what the fuck was going on and WWE pretended it wasn’t as one-sided as my dream match of Strowman vs. David Otunga would be.
This week, Roman showed up after Cena’s match against Jason Jordan (while Cena was obviously knackered) and challenged him to a scrap, Cena declined as the match is set at No Mercy and there’s nothing to prove until then.
This irritates Reigns and he tells Cena that he doesn’t respect him on account of him being all talk. He leaves, we move on and we DON’T get a tag match with the two again this week.
Now I understand that WWE are building towards a match between the two guys at No Mercy and they obviously need to have Cena and Reigns interacting in some manner to build anticipation for the showdown, this isn’t the part I’m having a problem with.
Just because the production team can edit out all the stutters and awkward pauses by Reigns following a promo, they can’t change the actual words than seep from his gob. This fact is obviously more applicable to a live scenario and if last week was anything to go by it’s rather evident that ROMAN REIGNS AIN’T THAT GOOD AT THE LONG TALKY BITS YET!
In my honourable opinion, Reigns should have approached Cena and delivered the last couple of sentences of his pre-written, pre-approved promo and just challenged him instead of trying to be a clever cunt for ten minutes.
Roman, mate, you’re not The Rock. You may have a similar shade and most of his official tattoo collection, but you don’t have his charm or his charisma, at least not yet.
Dial it down a notch and revert back to being the strong, silent type, you were pretty good at that and your in-ring work has come on significantly since then!
The rest of Raw confused me somewhat.
For a start, most of the heels wore charity t-shirts throughout the night and a lot of the faces wore their own stuff, which I thought was a tad strange.
Secondly, this monstrosity showed up via video package to parade around a group of sick kids for promotional purposes. Fantastic.
If it were up to me, Stephanie would be forced to wear a t-shirt with her catchy “Philanthropy is the future of marketing” slogan all over it so that the parents that aren’t so much in the know with the WWE don’t become too distracted with their child’s momentary glee as Stephanie continues her Princess Diana, charity Queen impression and Vince pisses himself laughing at the misfortune of his modern day circus when watching all the footage back while lounging around in his Scrooge McDuck style money-filled swimming pool.
It’s incredibly amusing and ironic to me how they are actually the sideshow act; they’re a Freudian carnival attraction of a family/establishment/circle of influence, obsessed with pushing fully dressed people into swimming pools to see their shock/discomfort, falsifying figures in an attempt to gloat about having more social media followers than everyone else and let’s not forget trying super hard to get an incest angle in there whenever possible.
Surely it can’t have just been me and the Mrs that found that whole segment rather distasteful and exploitative…………..
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